The three feelings that mean you need to learn how to say “No”.
Saying no when you realize it is the best choice for your health and wellness is, in the world of therapy, also a way of establishing personal boundaries. And learning how to set boundaries is one of the best things you can do, experts tell Inverse. In this article, three therapists give guidance on:
- The first step to take when you want to establish boundaries.
- What to do if you feel guilty about telling friends or family “no.”
- The best way to tell someone “no” without hurting their feelings.
But first, a bonus question: Is learning how to say no generally a healthy thing?
The answer is a resounding yes.
Porn-induced Erectile Dysfunction – Can Porn Cause ED?
Many researchers and sex therapists believe that watching too much porn can cause ED, or at least contribute to erectile problems. ‘Porn-induced Erectile Dysfunction’ (PIED) is the label used to describe this sexual dysfunction. Other medical and mental health professionals believe that watching porn does not cause ED directly. Feelings of guilt or shame, performance anxiety (developed due to unrealistic expectations) or sexual exhaustion are often blamed for ED.
In both cases, if you’re suffering from ED and you fear that it might be related to excessive porn use, there are things that you can do to treat your ED.
In this comprehensive article, we’ll give you an overview of the possible connection between porn and erectile dysfunction, before discussing treatment options for erectile dysfunction.
Riviera Therapy Practice Growing
Riviera Therapy in downtown Santa Barbara has expanded its services in recent years and developed specialties unique to Santa Barbara.
Owned by Jenn Kennedy, who has a doctorate in sexology, the psychotherapy practice specialized in sex therapy, sex addiction and sexuality (LGBT).
“I work with a lot of couple who are wanting a better sex life and/or repairing from challenging breaches in fidelity,” Kennedy said. “Almost no one does this work in our area, and we have scaled up to a thriving practice the past six years.”
The company, at 1515 State St., Suite 7, recently moved to its new downtown office. it has grown to six clinicians and serves clients in a variety of areas, including relationships, transitions, anxiety and addiction.
“We all work with couples and individuals,” Kennedy said. “Our therapists range in age from 20s to 50s and have trained in a variety of modalities, including EMDR, a popular modality for treating trauma.”
Mental Health During the Holidays
The Indy is the Santa Barbara Independent’s podcast, hosted by Molly McAnany. On this week’s episode, we speak with Jenn Kennedy of Riviera Therapy about what you can do to de-stress this holiday season and how to cope with heightened mental-health issues.
The Business of Practice
Jenn Kennedy, LMFT, has built a private practice focused on demystifying sex, sexuality, and relationships. She is based in Santa Barbara and online at www.RivieraTherapy.com.
Listen as Karen Pulver and her featured Goddesses speak candidly with sex/gender therapist Jen Kennedy about all these issues, including the danger of the all popular “gender reveal” and how perhaps parents can open their consciousness for “let’s let the individual decide their gender when they grow up.”
“Women in general are just more conditioned to capture the overflow. When there’s new stuff that pops up, there’s oftentimes an expectation that she can absorb it,” says Jenn Kennedy, a marriage and family therapist who focuses on couples.
“If boundaries are in place and honored, then it frees people up psychologically to be more open and curious,” said Jenn Kennedy, a marriage and family therapist based in Santa Barbara.
Jenn Kennedy is a marriage and family counselor based in California, and she says that she’s seen clients run the gamut between tons of contact and none. “I think initially people hesitated to even consider dating,” Kennedy says. “It’s all about risk tolerance and, initially, some people didn’t worry, and others really pulled back. What has been so difficult at this point, though, has been the prolonged nature of the pandemic. I have a handful of clients who are so lonely, and their touch needs haven’t been met, their social needs haven’t been met in 11 months.”
“Healthy boundaries should feel like a sense of agency in the person setting them,” Kennedy says. “There is confidence, there is clarity, there is directness, those are in services of safety, self-respect, and respect of others. Setting a boundary is about your own agency.”
“Toxic is a relational term of how someone affects another. Toxic people will leave you feeling bad: edgy, guilty, confused, frustrated, overextended. They lack boundaries and ask too much from you, so you leave exchanges feeling violated and exhausted. They make assumptions, expect too much, disregard your ‘no’ answers,” Kennedy says.
“In fact, picking a fight may even feel good,” says Jenn Kennedy, a marriage and family therapist in Santa Barbara, California. Some people may even use jealousy as proof of their love, but that quickly wears thin. “Typically jealousy slides into insecurity, defensiveness, and mistrust. Calming down jealousy is difficult and the longer it lasts, the more it hurts the relationship,” she explains.
“Boundaries give a sense of agency over one’s physical space, body, and feelings,” says Jenn Kennedy, a licensed marriage and family therapist. “We all have limits, and boundaries communicate that line.”
So, how do we recognize when we are engaging in these less apparent types of people-pleasing behaviors? Jenn Kennedy, LMFT suggests asking yourself the following questions: “Did you say yes when you really wanted to say no? Did you quiet your voice because it didn’t please or echo someone else who you deem important? Does it seem like you are overextending?” “If so,” she says, “try pushing back on these habits and see what comes of it.”
“People in relationships are constantly asking themselves, in one way or another, if they can trust the other person. Can they show their flaws, or risk being embarrassed? The way to move past this fear is to take measured risks,” says licensed marriage and family therapist, Jenn Kennedy.
“Setting a boundary is about having your own agency,” Kennedy says. “Healthy boundaries should be assertive, but not aggressive. They are clear and concise, and it’s an expression of the idea that there is a desire to have things a certain way. You are saying, this is what I need for my bubble.”
Jenn entertains her readers with her dynamic career and how it has ultimately led her to her “third incarnation” as a psychotherapist. Within her clinical capacity, she also shines as a savvy business owner as well as a supervisor. She shares how her experience as a teaching faculty at Antioch helps inform the depth of her clinical work as well as balancing it out.
“My “unhealthy” alarm goes off when someone reports negative self-talk after interacting with family members. They may return to past beliefs that they are somehow flawed, unloveable or even “broken.” That crosses the line to unhealthy, whereas difficult looks like you feeling annoyed or having to tread carefully.”
“You know a relationship is in trouble when contempt shows up in the couple’s communication, marriage and family therapist, Jenn Kennedy, tells Bustle. That’s when you make little digs or passive aggresive comments to each other. You may not personally see it as a huge deal or you may even write it off as “just a joke,” but you never know how hurtful those comments can be to your partner.”
A more professional rendition of the ever-popular: treat yourself. “Across the board, the one thing that seems to make the most difference is self-care,” says Marriage and Family Therapist Jenn Kennedy.
Gwyenth Paltrow’s Goop.com made the term Conscious Uncoupling a household name in recent years. Coined by Katherine Woodward Thomas, the term has come to describe a civil and intentioned approach, adopted by couples, who have decided to break up. Hallmark signs of conscious uncoupling include mutuality, reason and acceptance.
Just because you get along well with someone’s relatives (and maybe like them even better than your own) isn’t a reason to stay with them and avoid a breakup. “You are partnered with the person and therefore your daily life is with them—not their family,” says Jenn Kennedy, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist located in Santa Barbara, CA.
Recently I saw a couple who perfectly illustrated a common quandary. Both individuals lead busy lives. They are doing their best to juggle the everyday demands of life—a particularly hectic work patch for one, family stressors coupled with financial worry for the other. Each is somewhat consumed with their respective stressors.