ADHD Series: Understanding Impulsivity and Its Impact on Relationships

Living with ADHD can often feel like your mind is constantly in overdrive—thoughts racing, emotions fluctuating, and decisions made impulsively in the heat of the moment. While ADHD is commonly associated with issues like focus and restlessness, one of its most misunderstood and disruptive effects is impulsivity, especially when it starts to affect the people we care about most.

As someone who works closely with individuals and couples navigating ADHD, I understand how impulsive behaviors can create relational challenges—behaviors like lying, infidelity, compulsive spending, or keeping secrets. These can leave lasting effects on trust and connection.

If you’ve found yourself asking, “Why do I keep sabotaging my relationships?” or “Why can’t I stop myself before it’s too late?” or “Why do I feel like I can’t get it right?”—you’re not alone. More importantly, you’re not broken.

ADHD and Impulsivity: More Than Just Restlessness

Impulsivity is one of the core symptoms of ADHD, but it’s not just about blurting things out or interrupting others. Impulsivity can show up in a variety of ways, often impacting your relationships in ways you may not expect. Here are some examples:

• Making impulsive purchases and hiding the receipts
• Saying hurtful things during emotional moments, often without thinking
• Lying or withholding information to avoid confrontation or to manage feelings
• Engaging in risky behaviors, such as infidelity, gambling, or substance use
• Struggling to resist temptation, even when you know the long-term consequences

These impulsive actions can deeply affect romantic relationships, friendships, and family bonds. They often leave behind feelings of guilt, shame, and broken trust.

How ADHD Impacts Relationships

When ADHD is left untreated or misunderstood, impulsivity can lead to challenges in relationships, including:

1. Breach of trust: Lying or hiding information might seem like an attempt to avoid conflict, but over time, it can damage the emotional safety and trust between partners.
2. Infidelity or compulsive behaviors: Acting on impulse without thinking through the consequences can lead to regrettable decisions, like cheating or forming inappropriate emotional connections.
3. Financial strain: Impulsive behaviors like overspending, gambling, or secret financial habits can create significant stress for couples and families.
4. Emotional disconnection: Mood swings, forgetfulness, and inattention may make your partner feel unseen, unimportant, or on edge, leading to emotional distance.

But I want to assure you that this doesn’t mean your relationship is beyond repair. It simply means that seeking the right support is essential for moving forward. At Riviera Therapy, I offer ADHD-focused therapy and relationship counseling to help you:

• Understand the neurological roots of impulsivity
• Learn emotional regulation skills to create space between thought and action
• Build accountability and repair trust through honesty and empathy
• Navigate conversations about past mistakes, guilt, and betrayal
• Develop healthier communication patterns
• Rebuild self-esteem and reduce shame
• Learn tools to strengthen intimacy and connection

I work with individuals and couples at all stages—whether you’re managing a recent diagnosis, experiencing a crisis due to impulsive actions, or simply tired of the cycle and ready for change. I provide a safe, judgment-free space where you can work through the difficult emotions and situations you’re facing. Our team is experienced in treating ADHD in adults and teens, and I bring deep expertise in understanding how ADHD impacts relationships, identity, and self-worth.

By using evidence-based therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Mindfulness-Based Therapy, and Emotionally Focused Therapy, I’ll help you make sense of your experiences and build meaningful, lasting change.

Common Questions I Hear

“What if it’s not really ADHD—what if I’m just making excuses?” This is a concern I hear often, and it’s completely understandable. When you’re grappling with impulsive behaviors or past mistakes, it can feel like you’re just trying to justify things. But therapy isn’t about blaming—it’s about understanding. I help you untangle feelings of shame from accountability and support you in making more thoughtful, empowered decisions going forward.

“Can therapy help after something like infidelity or betrayal?” Absolutely. I’ve worked with many individuals and couples as they work through the pain and confusion that comes with impulsive actions like cheating, secrecy, or lying. While healing from betrayal takes time, honesty, and the right support, it is possible to rebuild trust and deepen your connection.

“Isn’t ADHD therapy just for kids?” Not at all. Many of our clients are adults who have only recently received their diagnosis—or who are just beginning to recognize ADHD in themselves. I work with individuals and couples of all ages, from teens to adults, to help them better understand their minds and feel more in control of their lives.

“I don’t have ADHD, but my partner does. Can you help me understand how to live with this?” This is a common question, and it’s an important one. Living with someone who has ADHD can certainly present challenges, but with the right tools and understanding, you can build a stronger, more supportive relationship. The key is distinguishing between behaviors caused by ADHD and figuring out ways to create boundaries and strategies that support both partners’ needs. In therapy, I help you navigate the frustration and confusion that can arise while focusing on building empathy, improving communication, and finding healthier ways to navigate the ups and downs of your partnership.

If ADHD and impulsivity are affecting your relationships, you don’t have to face them alone. Therapy can offer the clarity, understanding, and connection you’ve been looking for. I’m here to support you through this journey. Let’s work together to find the peace and connection you deserve.

Shannon Fennell, AMFT
Tel: (805) 617-0967‬
Email: Shannon@RivieraTherapy.com