Fostering Secure Attachments in Adoptees

Adoption is complex and often more nuanced than society realizes. Many people assume children are adopted because their birth families didn’t want them or were abusive. In reality, most birth parents lack the resources or support to raise their children. With adequate support, their circumstances could be very different.

People often avoid discussing adoption, but what we need is for people to openly share the full range of experiences and emotions, both positive and negative. A key aspect of this is understanding how adoption impacts our attachment styles.

A major challenge for adoptive parents and children is forming a secure attachment, especially if the child faced early adversity. Understanding attachment and recognizing signs of attachment difficulties can help caregivers provide the best support for their new family member.

The Importance of Early Attachments

The first two years of life are crucial for forming healthy attachment relationships. During this period, children begin to establish a mental framework of what relationships should look like. By six weeks old, babies begin to prefer their primary caregivers, responding to their emotional needs by seeking comfort and care. This stage marks the development of trust—a key element for understanding the world, culture, and relationships.

The bonds formed during this critical period shape a child’s sense of self-worth and confidence. Secure attachment during these early months helps children feel safe, valued, and connected to others. In later life, secure attachment is crucial for healthy relationships, self-esteem, and mental well-being.

Attachment Theory and Adoption

Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby, emphasizes the profound impact that early caregiver-child relationships have on how individuals perceive and interact with others throughout their lives. For adopted children, early experiences with caregivers—whether positive or negative—play a significant role in how they relate to their adoptive families.

Children with secure early relationships are more likely to form secure attachments with their new family. However, those who faced adversity, neglect, or trauma may struggle to trust new caregivers, seeing them as unpredictable or threatening. This attachment style can later impact all relationships, especially romantic ones.

Fortunately, research shows that children are highly adaptable and can form new attachment bonds, even after early disruptions. With consistent love and stability, adoptive children can learn to build trusting, secure relationships. If this consistency isn’t provided in childhood, healing is still possible through therapy, mindfulness, and supportive relationships during adolescence and adulthood.

The Impact of Pre-Adoption Adversity on Attachment

While research on pre-adoption adversity is still evolving, studies suggest that children who have experienced institutionalized care (i.e. the foster system), neglect, or abuse may struggle significantly with attachment. A study examining over 25,000 children adopted from Romanian, Russian, Bulgarian, and Ukrainian orphanages in the 1990s showed that a significant amount of these children faced developmental delays and severe attachment issues due to a lack of sensory stimulation and basic needs in their early environments.

Children who have experienced trauma or neglect (this includes in utero trauma) before adoption are more likely to have difficulty forming secure attachments with their new caregivers. This is particularly true for children who have been in multiple foster placements, were exposed to substances in utero, or witnessed violence. These children may require additional support to heal from the emotional scars of their early experiences.

What Is Attachment Disorder?

Attachment disorder refers to a set of emotional and behavioral challenges that can arise in children who struggle to form expected bonds with their caregivers. These difficulties often result from inconsistent, neglectful, or abusive caregiving during critical stages of development.

In adopted children, attachment disorder is sometimes referred to as adoption attachment disorder. It can occur when a child has experienced multiple separations, neglect, or trauma before joining their adoptive family.

Children with attachment disorders may feel isolated, abandoned, criticized, or powerless, which affects their ability to trust others and form healthy relationships. The severity of attachment disorders can vary, with some children showing mild difficulties while others may display more severe challenges, such as Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) or Disinhibited Social Engagement Disorder (DSED).

Recognizing the Signs of Adoption Attachment Disorder

Adoptive parents should be mindful of potential signs of adoption attachment disorder, which may include:

• Avoiding eye contact
• Reluctance to smile
• Not seeking comfort from caregivers
• Self-soothing behaviors, such as rocking
• Crying inconsolably
• Difficulty engaging with caregivers or responding to soothing
• Rejection of caregiver attempts to engage in play
• Limited verbal communication
• Lack of emotional response when left alone

These behaviors are often protective mechanisms that children develop in response to inconsistent or unsafe early caregiving. While these behaviors may be distressing for adoptive parents, they are rooted in the child’s past experiences and can be addressed with the right support.

Does Age at Adoption Impact Attachment?

Yes, the age at which a child is adopted can influence the ease with which they form secure attachments. Children adopted as infants are more likely to establish continuous bonds with their new caregivers, leading to stronger attachment. Older children, however, may have experienced multiple disruptions in attachment before being adopted, which can make forming a secure bond more difficult. However, it is not impossible. 

In addition, children adopted at older ages may carry with them the emotional and developmental wounds of their previous relationships, which can affect their ability to engage with new caregivers. However, with patience and support (therapy is highly recommended), older children can learn to develop secure attachments and overcome early adversity.

How Caregivers Can Foster Secure Attachment

Building a secure attachment with an adopted child takes time and consistency. Caregivers can help by:

1. Understanding the child’s history: Knowing a child’s background helps caregivers provide appropriate emotional and developmental support.
2. Adjusting parenting styles: There is no one way to parent a child. It is key to be flexible and eclectic while parenting knowing that what each child needs can change over time. Caregivers should provide a trauma-informed approach that fosters emotional security.
3. Setting clear boundaries: Children with attachment issues need structure and consistency. Clear boundaries help children feel safe and understand expectations.
4. Joining a support group: Connecting with other adoptive parents and families provides a sense of community and offers valuable advice from those who have experienced similar challenges.
5. Being patient and empathetic: Attachment is a gradual process, and each child’s journey is unique. Caregivers should be patient, supportive, and attuned to their child’s needs.
6. Seek out resources and continue learning: There are amazing resources available to aid adoptive parents in understanding their children and the best way to support them. Check out Pact Adoption Alliance for more info.
7. Connecting with their child’s roots: A common mistake adoptive parents make is not helping their children connect with their roots in an attempt to help them “assimilate.” This is especially important in transracial, transcultural, and transnational adoptions.

Conclusion

Adoption is complex and can be incredibly rewarding. However, adoptive parents may face challenges, especially if their child has experienced early trauma or attachment disruptions. By understanding attachment theory, recognizing signs of attachment disorders, and offering consistent love and care, caregivers can help their child(ren) build a secure, healthy bond.

Whether you’re considering adoption, are an adoptive parent, an adopted child, or are in a relationship with someone who was adopted, understanding attachment styles is crucial. Adoption can leave lasting emotional wounds that may show up in various ways throughout life.

Working with a therapist experienced in adoption can be a valuable resource for navigating these complexities, which affect many individuals and families. Please reach out if you’d like to connect.