How to Heal After a Long-Term Breakup

A breakup, especially after a long-term relationship, can feel like a deep loss. It may be hard to imagine life without your partner, and it’s normal to experience a whirlwind of emotions. However, healing from a breakup is a journey — one that requires patience, self-compassion, and a commitment to your own well-being.  If you’ve recently gone through a long-term breakup, here are key steps to help you heal and move forward with your life.

Take Care of You

The first step in healing is taking care of yourself. After the emotional turmoil of a breakup, your body and mind need attention. You’re likely exhausted. Relationships and breakups require a lot of emotional energy. Give yourself the grace to take time away from the demands of your daily life. 

It’s okay to pause and focus on your healing, even if that means stepping back from social events or responsibilities for a while. A lot of people will try to fill their schedule to distract themselves from the grief they may be feeling but know that it’s okay to pause for now. This is the moment to honor your emotions, take stock of your feelings, and check in with yourself. 

A breakup often triggers a flood of intense emotions — grief, anger, confusion, relief, sadness — all of which are a natural part of the healing process. One effective way to navigate these feelings is through bullet journaling. Unlike traditional journaling, which might involve long paragraphs and perfect grammar, bullet journaling is a simple and flexible approach. The key is to get your thoughts out of your head and onto paper.

Journaling doesn’t need to be polished or structured; it’s about expressing yourself freely. By writing with pen and paper (not on your phone’s notes app), you’re giving your brain the space to release those emotions. This simple act helps reduce the constant mental chatter, allowing you to process your feelings without getting stuck in a loop. It’s a small but powerful step toward emotional clarity and healing. By acknowledging your emotions without judgment, you can start the process of emotional release and begin to heal. Holding back feelings or repressing them will only prolong your pain.

You’ll hear a lot of therapists promote self-care; physical self-care is just as important as emotional self-care. Ensure you are eating nutritious meals, getting rest, and exercising to support your mental health. Practice grounding techniques like mindfulness or yoga to reconnect with your body. Prioritize rest and recovery as you allow your heart to heal. You are likely going to be exhausted as you learn to live with different circumstances. 

Grief: It’s Not Just for Death

While many associate grief with death, it’s important to recognize that grief is a natural part of any loss — including the end of a relationship. When we lose someone we’ve been intimately connected to, it’s like mourning the death of that future envisioned together. By understanding the five stages of grief, you may be able to better track where you’re at in your healing process. As you notice each stage, approach it with nonjudgmental curiosity. 

The five stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — are not linear. You may move back and forth through these stages, and that’s okay. It’s essential to allow yourself to experience each stage without rushing toward “acceptance” prematurely. Understanding that these stages are a normal part of grief can help you navigate your emotions.

Looking at the Future: What’s Next?

Once you start the healing process, it’s time to reflect on what you want for the future. Do you want to work on getting back together with your ex? Or is this truly an end?

If your goal is to reconcile, couples therapy will be critical. Whether that’s right away or after a break, it’s helpful to have a neutral third party to help couples learn how to communicate, identify dysfunctional patterns, build connection, and set shared goals. However, it’s important to know that couples therapy is limited. A system (read: relationship) cannot function healthily with broken parts. Working through personal issues in individual therapy will strengthen your ability to communicate, heal, and ultimately assess whether a future together is truly in the cards.

If the decision is made that the relationship is over, that’s okay too. Not every relationship is meant to last forever. And that can be a really hard reality to face. 

Consider what you want your future to look like. Without the constraints of your previous relationship, what are your passions? What personal goals do you want to achieve? This is the perfect time to reimagine your life and set clear intentions for your future. 

You may never forget this relationship. It may always hold a special place in your heart, but that doesn’t mean it was the right fit for both of you at this time. Embrace the memories, lessons, and growth it brought. When you’re ready, look back on the relationship and take away the positive lessons. What went well? What did you learn about yourself, your needs, and what you want in the future? Additionally, consider what didn’t go well and use that as an opportunity to set boundaries for future relationships.

Setting Boundaries & Get Support

One important aspect of healing is setting boundaries. Boundaries with your ex, your friends, and yourself are vital. This may mean limiting communication or deciding on how much social media exposure to allow. Boundaries will help you regain a sense of independence and clarity as you navigate your emotions and plan for the future.

It’s helpful to have a small group of trusted friends or loved ones who can provide support and a listening ear. However, be mindful not to go to social media to share, as it can turn into a burden. Consider keeping your circle small, where you can lean on the right people for emotional support. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Reach out for support and allow yourself to lean on the people who care about you.

Healing

Working with a therapist can offer deep healing and clarity. Therapy provides a safe space to process your feelings, gain insight into the relationship, and identify patterns that may help you avoid similar pain in future relationships. It’s never too early to seek professional help as you work through your breakup.

The final part of healing is acceptance. Know that it’s normal for this process to take time, and there’s no defined timeline for healing. The journey of healing may be longer than you expect (or want), and that’s perfectly okay. There is no rush to “get over it.” Healing takes the time it takes, and some days will feel harder than others. Allow yourself to go through the process at your own pace. 

Final Thoughts

Healing from a long-term breakup is a journey of self-discovery, growth, and reflection. Be kind to yourself during this time, and seek support when necessary. Whether you decide to heal alone, focus on personal growth, or explore therapy — the important thing is that you take the necessary steps to move forward in a healthy and fulfilling way. With time, you will come to a place of peace and acceptance, knowing that you are worthy of the love and happiness you deserve.