How to Share a Fantasy

Take the Relational Dive

You’ve been thinking about a fantasy—something that turns you on, something you’ve never said out loud. Maybe you want to share it with your partner. But the worry creeps in: What if they judge me? What if they get quiet or weird? What if I ruin what we have?

This is one of the most common concerns I hear from couples: How do I talk about what I want without making things awkward? There’s no perfect script. But there are ways to make sharing feel safer—for both of you.

Why It Feels So Risky

Fantasies are personal. Sometimes they’re playful. Sometimes they’re edgy. Sometimes they’re about power, taboo, or things we’d never actually want to do—but they still turn us on. That’s normal. But because they live in our private minds, naming them out loud can feel exposing. You’re not just revealing what turns you on—you’re letting someone see you in a new, unfiltered way. That’s vulnerable. And vulnerability always comes with risk.

What Kills the Mood (and What Doesn’t)

Here’s what actually kills the mood:

• Springing a fantasy on your partner mid-sex without warning

• Framing it as a test (“If you really loved me, you’d want this”)

• Getting defensive if they don’t immediately say yes

• Assuming they’ll react badly without giving them a chance

On the other hand, here’s what enhances the mood:

• Being honest about your desires

• Asking if they’re open to hearing something new

• Making space for their feelings, even if they’re different than yours

• Remembering that fantasy doesn’t have to mean action

How to Start the Conversation

You don’t need to build it up or make it a big deal. Here’s a simple structure that can help:

1. Set the tone. “Can I share something that’s been on my mind?”

2. Be clear. “There’s a fantasy I think about sometimes, and I’d love to tell you about it.”

3. Invite response. “I’m not saying we need to act on it—I just want to let you in.”

That last part matters. Sharing a fantasy doesn’t need to lead to trying it. It can just be about being known. Talking through ideas can be a total turn on! When your partner hears that there’s no pressure, it’s easier to stay curious instead of shutting down.

What If They Don’t Like It?

That’s always a possibility. And it doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you—or with them. Compatibility doesn’t require identical turn-ons. What matters is whether you can talk about it, respect each other’s boundaries, and stay connected even if you’re different. If the fantasy doesn’t land, it’s okay. The real intimacy came from taking the risk to share it.

You Don’t Need to Wait

A lot of people sit on their fantasies for years. Waiting for the “right time,” or assuming it’ll somehow come up naturally. But sharing desire is a skill. And the more you practice, the easier it gets.

Start with something small. Be clear. Be kind. And remember—fantasy doesn’t have to be acted on to bring you closer.

If you and your partner are struggling to talk about fantasies or turn-ons without tension, you’re not alone. These conversations take courage, and many couples need support learning how to have them well. At Riviera Therapy, we help couples build sexual communication skills that strengthen connection. View our team to find the right therapist for you.