ADHD Series: Understanding Rejection Sensitivity and Its Impact

Throughout my experience as both a therapist and an everyday person, I’ve come to realize that ADHD is one of the most commonly misunderstood conditions. Many people tend to associate ADHD solely with high energy and an inability to focus. However, ADHD is a complex disorder that can manifest in a variety of ways, unique to each individual. It may involve challenges such as rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD), sensitivity to criticism, difficulties with object permanence, impulsivity, inattention, hyperactivity, time management struggles, executive function deficits, emotional dysregulation, sleep problems, forgetfulness, difficulty with transitions, social challenges, and low frustration tolerance.

One lesser-known aspect of ADHD is rejection sensitivity or rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD), a heightened emotional reaction to perceived or real rejection. If it were up to me, I’d rename RSD to include criticism in the name, as it typically goes hand-in-hand with rejection. For many people with ADHD, these reactions can significantly impact their relationships and daily lives. In this blog, I’ll explore rejection sensitivity, how it affects individuals with ADHD, and practical strategies for managing it.

What is Rejection Sensitivity?

Rejection sensitivity refers to an intense emotional reaction to rejection or criticism, even when the response may seem disproportionate to the situation. For individuals with ADHD, this sensitivity is often more pronounced. They may feel deeply hurt by minor criticisms or perceive disapproval where none is intended, which can lead to emotional overwhelm and difficulty processing feedback. This heightened sensitivity can stem from the fact that many children with ADHD grow up facing constant criticism from teachers, coaches, and others, who may point out that they aren’t paying attention, learning the “right” way, following instructions, staying still, etc.

How Rejection Sensitivity Affects People with ADHD

Rejection sensitivity can manifest in various ways:

• Overreacting to Criticism: Even small critiques can trigger what a neurotypical person would consider disproportionate emotional responses.
• Fear of Failure: The fear of rejection can create a reluctance to try new things, as failure may be perceived as personal rejection.
• Avoidance of Social Situations/Relationships: Fear of judgment or disapproval may lead individuals to withdraw from social interactions and/or intimate relationships to avoid potential rejection.
• Impulsive Behavior: Intense emotional reactions can trigger impulsive actions or outbursts, often followed by regret once the emotions settle.
• Low Self-Esteem: A lifetime of criticism can lead to deep-seated feelings of inadequacy. People with ADHD may struggle with beliefs like not being good enough, smart enough, focused enough, or appreciated enough.

These reactions can put a strain on relationships and hinder progress in one’s work or personal life. But the good news is that there are ways to manage these feelings.

Why Does Rejection Sensitivity Happen in ADHD?

ADHD affects the brain’s executive functions, including emotional regulation and impulse control. This means that people with ADHD often have stronger emotional reactions to events, particularly rejection. Their difficulty with focus can also cause them to fixate on rejection or criticism, which makes it harder to move past these feelings.

Strategies for Managing Rejection Sensitivity in ADHD

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT can help reframe negative thoughts and manage emotional responses.
2. Mindfulness Techniques: Mindfulness can help individuals stay grounded in the present and reduce emotional overwhelm.
3. Positive Self-Talk: Learning to replace self-criticism with affirmations can help manage feelings of inadequacy.
4. Realistic Expectations: Accepting that rejection is a natural part of life can ease emotional pain and reduce the fear of failure.
5. Improved Communication: Expressing feelings prevents misunderstandings and emotional build-up. This can look like writing down how one is feeling and/or taking a step/time away to gather one’s thoughts. Learn more here.
   

Creating a Supportive Environment

For loved ones and coworkers, creating a non-judgmental, patient, and understanding environment is essential. When offering constructive feedback, it’s helpful to first ask if the individual with ADHD is open to receiving it. Afterward, focus on emphasizing positives and encourage open communication. This approach can significantly reduce anxiety around rejection for those with ADHD.

Rejection sensitivity in a partner with ADHD* can make communication difficult in several ways. The fear of being judged or rejected may cause them to overreact—what a neurotypical person might view as an overreaction—to even neutral or constructive feedback, making their partner hesitant to express concerns or criticism. This can lead to a sense of walking on eggshells and hinder open, honest communication. Additionally, the partner with ADHD may withdraw or shut down during conversations to avoid perceived rejection, creating more strain. It’s not uncommon for the folks I work with who have a partner with ADHD to tell me that their partner is avoidant. Partners with ADHD may also misinterpret neutral comments as personal attacks, leading to misunderstandings. Emotional escalation due to rejection sensitivity can trigger impulsive reactions, like anger or defensiveness, which may derail productive discussions and make it harder to maintain clear, effective communication in the relationship.

*I have a support group starting April 14th. Click here for more info.

When to Seek Professional Help

Relationships where (at least) one partner has ADHD can present unique challenges. If rejection sensitivity is affecting daily life, relationships, or mental health, seeking therapy can be a helpful step—especially with a therapist experienced in ADHD. A professional can assist in developing personalized strategies to manage emotional reactions, improve emotional regulation, enhance communication, and establish healthy boundaries.

Conclusion

Rejection sensitivity is a common challenge for many people with ADHD, but with the right support and strategies, it can be effectively managed, which can lead to a more grounded and balanced life. If you or a loved one is experiencing difficulties with ADHD and rejection sensitivity, know that support is available. Reach out to me today for compassionate, expert guidance, and together we can work toward a positive path forward.

Written by
Shannon Fennell
Tel: (805) 617-0967‬
Email: Shannon@RivieraTherapy.com